Today marks an exciting day in my relationship with God.
Today I am committing to TOTAL SURRENDER.
I am noting this in a blog web page for several reasons.
One, is that I am have used the internet in the past to meet many of my needs- need for knowledge, intimacy, community, structure, my deepest needs of the soul- I can always google - "bitter and single" or whatever and find lots of trains of thought on any topic.
I come back to the internet for my official surrendered date with God to as somewhat a type of irony, akin to the irony He put into the mix when He gave me the name "Gloria". That the internet is a tool, but not life itself. He only is the life that everyone is looking for. He has proved Himself over and over. He is worthy of total trust.
I am also doing this date as a webpage blog so that I can go back to it, if I am tempted to take any or all of these things off of the altar.
I surrender my:
marriage
health
looks
control of my environment
OCD
need to control others
doings to figure out God/life
opinions about what music glorifies God
need for comfort
need for security (knowing what's going to happen, money)- outside of only God
relationships (friendships)
desire to be a good teacher
desire to be a good extra-special music musician
desire for free time to control my environment
desire for food (?!)
desire to have good pets
desire to be sexy/look good
desire for knowledge
belief that eternity will just provide opportunities to get to read/experience/be thorough on all the stuff we have here
desire to have glorious, transcending music in a prison choir
thoughts and opinions about who deserves what *
my physical body
right to have a husband who is very close to perfect
way I think my time should be structured
need for excitement
need for entertainment
work ethic
sexuality
need to be significant in ministry
desire to hook up with God to have a perfect life, just for perfections sake, not for God's sake
desire to have glorious-sounding choirs
desire to have right kind of authority with piano students
-I can always add to this list.
-- This does NOT mean giving up on these things. It's giving them to God to hold in His hands- and add, multiply, or subtract as He sees fit. He is perfect- it will be a more eternally significant life- not necessarily a neat and tidy one.
Thanks be to all the influences that lead me here.
